Ramblings of the Sleepless Mind

So, yours truly has moved to Mumbai. The city of dreams. The sea. The spirit. Slumdog Millionaire. And well, it's all been fine. I am beginning to like it, but dare I say, Mumbai will never be Delhi. The city that's rude, bitchy, pompous, unsafe... yet keeping safe the romantic winter in its January fog, the history in its neglected monuments and the cheekiness in almost everyone.
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I figure I am a sucker for correct spelling. Don't you go nosing in my archives to prove me wrong! It's so bad that I am unable to take anything with an instance of misspelling, seriously. You see, you'd never find me in one of those "Kwik Kabs". I know, it's supposed to be a smart twist to the correct spelling or some BS like that, but their seemingly harmless play with phonetics doesn't quite cut it with me.

Oh, and I figured this after I couldn't focus on a document at work that contained "judgementle". Or that's my explanation for it. Yeah, I'm JUDGMENTAL like that.
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So, I was listening to the very creatively-titled news bulletin "Balanced Views" on A.I.R., and the really nonchalant way in which they announced the killing of 6 people in the Naxal attacks on polling booths in Bihar was rather disturbing. Are we slowly becoming a nation that pushes single-digit death counts to the end of the news bulletins, right after the latest on IPL and the movie reviews? Also, while I quite prefer the stoic and graceful Usha Albuquerque of yore over the Arnabs and Rajdeeps of our bulging-eyes, pen-in-hand-being-pointed-right-into-the-camera, bursts of hysterical yelling times of news reading, I thought the radio non-chalance smacked more of indifference than anything else. A little emotion would not have been misplaced, given that the incident is, well, the worst fear come true for the recent flurry of "Let's Vote" campaigns. I was wondering if the TOI front page photograph of smiling women sporting their freshly inked index fingers had anything to do with doing some damage control on that. But then, TOI is not that smart.
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Do you think Varun Gandhi looks pretty dumb almost all the time? Even in that much infamous hate speech, he looks and sounds dumb. You see, atleast Advaniji and Modiji could have taught him how to do the unethical and illogical in complicated Hindi or loud Gujarati, yeah?
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I have work to do right now. On Friday night. At 1 a.m. To finish by 12 noon. I want to kill someone.
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Someone wise once told me, "When you find yourself planning out your Friday evening at Monday lunch, it's time to change your job." I've got news for Mr. Someone Wise. That way, I won't be working anymore. Profound huh?
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How, how, how do you work around politics at work? Well, I just make rude, sarcastic remarks when approached to comment and end up being on neither side. And that works!
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I found myself wondering about my grandparents today. I've never met them; I know them through pictures and through my parents' accounts. It sure is freaky when someone tells you that you said/did/believe in something uncannily similar to what your grandparents (whom you've never met) would have said/done/believed in.
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I figure I won't ever be incorrigibly unhappy as long as there's Maggi in my kitchen and F.R.I.E.N.D.S. re-runs to watch. Comfort in small things? Shallowness? Can't say!
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Well, alright, I gotta scoot. If someone's still here after all these days, would be good to hear from you!

What me needs

Saw this tag doing the rounds, and was tempted to try it out. The results had me laughing, so thought I'd put it out here.

I was supposed to Google "MY NAME needs" and paste the top ten results Google throws up. Now, my name is Neha (No, I am not divulging much because that's what the name of 1/6th female population in Delhi is) and NEHA also stands for "National Environmental Health Association". I am inflicting this seemingly pointless information onto you, so you can appreciate the results of the tag:

1. "Neha needs to be more generous for fans and associates.. "
If only I knew I had "fans", darling!

2. "Neha needs to strengthen the stature of the REHS/ RS credential.." - whatever that is! This was immediately followed by "Neha needs to better define its niche in the international community and..." - hmmm!

3. "Neha needs to strengthen its presence and visibility in the area of terrorism..." - Hahahahahaha!

4. "Neha needs to establish a committee to determine the implications of genetically..."

5. "Neha needs Fizza's fizz" - Huh?

6. "GUYS NEHA NEEDS OUR HELP"

7. "At the end of the day, Neha needs to understand that this film is as much hers as Sanu's or mine."

8. "I think Neha needs to shed weight." BUT this was immediately followed by "She has been Miss India and she has the capability to do it, probably she isn't focusing at all." I hear ya!

9. "Neha needs to be more generous."

Summing it all up with

10. "Even the best case scenario is short of what Neha needs."
Profound?!

Happy 2nd Bloggiversary!

The blog turns 2 today, and is much neglected (what's new. also refer to my sick attempts at making it a respectable blog, in the post below). I read somewhere that a decline in blogging frequncy is good and usually means that one now has more real people to talk to, and now I've proved that it's not so true. A decline in blogging frequency could also mean that you're neck-deep in shit, and are taking your time wallowing in there. Or that usually thoughts dart in and out of your head at supersonic speed - never to come back to you , leaving you wondering if you've turned senile already. Or that one's looking to sort quite a few things and blogging figures at the bottom of the pile. I guess I have really ruined the birthday wish to perfection now. Anyway, here's a quick update on myself (note the single focus in my life) to anyone who cares:

I hate my job now. Officially. I got engaged to the lurrrve of my life last month. 'Twas good. Loved the family fussin' around and good times, till I got back to work the next day. I'll be moving to Mumbai soon-ish. Yay! I saw Delhi-6 and loved it. I went to Bangalore after a loooong time, and now I'm sure which city I love the most in the whole wide world. I've been catching up on all my favourite blogs almost every second day, and I wish I could comment on all of them.

Quick update over. I will be back here soon.

PS: For some stupid reason, Blogger insists on marking this post under Wed, March 4. But eet eez Thu, March 5 today.

Counting down to glory!

I need 6 posts in 8 days, so that my blog can make it to 50 posts on its second anniversary.

And now, I need 5 in 8.

So, hurry! What would you like to read?

Round-Up

[This is a month-old post. New one coming up.]
Yes, after a series of two-word long drafts, I am back with this creatively titled post. But what the hell.. aren't tags the tried and tested way to come back to life (so what if the tried and tested way is fast becoming the only one, in this blog). So, I came across this one at Broom's and quickly decided on shamelessly copying. Here goes:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Graduated from B-school. Duh!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well I didn't exactly keep ALL the resolutions for last year - which means some of them get carried forward to 2009. The new ones are to do with changing a lot about me - physically, mentally and spiritually. (Note the unmistakable vagueness used to hide the term 'weightloss' pliss)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. Favourite cousin and wife be parents to bonny boy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. May 2009 let this stay.

5. What countries did you visit?
None at all.

[at this point, I can't fathom one reason why anyone would want to read any further. i'm so boring!]

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Peace of mind. Love for work. Good health. Spare time. Frownless face. Determination. Life?

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March: For the promises it brought.
September: For the lovely birthday I had not had for a long time.
December: For the longest Mumbai trip this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Quite a letdown I have been, no big achievements.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Being uncertain and indecisive for the larger part of the year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes. Once.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Now you're a-talking. The phone.. Nokia 6600 slide... I looooove it. Since there can be never be only one thing here, there's also the perfect knee-length black winter coat I bought.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Ma and A. The two people who have been the recipients of my frustrations, my worries and my crazy outbursts. The two people who love me despite it all.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The boss'. Yet to see another person so selfish and so ruthless.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Cabs. Don't laugh.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

Weekends in Mumbai.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Time of Your Life

17. Compared to this time last year are you

Happier or sadder: Sadder. For sure. Thinking of last year makes me smile.

Thinner or Fatter: The same.

Richer or Poorer: Richer. Thank God for small mercies.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Reading, Watching movies, Working out.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Introspecting, Worrying, Being difficult.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Err.. this question makes me realize that I'm writing this one at least a month late. But, I will be celebrating Christmas the same way each year.. it's the anniversary.. YAY!!

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Stayed in love.

22. How many one-night stands?

[Is it me or is this questionnaire really hopeful of getting some scoop on people] None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Re-runs of How I Met Your Mother

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Yes, someone I didn't know last year.

25. What was the best book you read?

I think the recent one I read, The Space Between Us by Thrity Umrigar was a captivating read.

26. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery?

Nothing, really.

27. What did you want and get?

Love. Independence.

28. What did you want and didn't get?

Time. Peace.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Many many.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 25. I had the most fun in the longest time, with family.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Work I'd enjoyed. Being around friends.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Three quarter-sleeves, and the colour black.

33. What/ who kept you sane?

Only one person. A. I can't thank him enough for it.

34. Which celebrity/ public figure did you fancy the most?

No one in particular. Ok. Ranbir Kapoor, maybe.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The indifference / insanity after the Mumbai attacks demonstrated by our politicians.

36. What did you miss?

I missed (and still miss) campus. I miss student life. I miss having options.

37. Who was the best person you met?

Someone old and wise.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Learn to roll with the punches, as soon as you can.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind

Hang them on a shelf

In good health and good times

Tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

Bombay

So many things to say. But I want to say the one that makes me feel the least ineffectual. I want to use the only power I have: the power of prayer.

I request everyone stopping by at this blog to spare a moment for the brave lives lost in the Mumbai terror attacks. May God be with their souls and their families. For each one of the NSG officers, ATS personnel, policemen, firemen, doctors, nurses, mediapersons and hospitality staff members who are no less than heroes in times like these, I wish God's kindness to be with you every step of this ordeal. Each one of us is proud of you.

The World Around You

This was written in a not-so-happy frame of mind, but at least it was honest back then. It had been left in Drafts too long, and it had been incomplete. Today it seemed complete to me. Maybe, I really am too vague. Read on, if you must.

Have you ever felt like the world around you is of your own making? Like something that only you see a certain way that's just something very distorted, you gather? Like a tangential take on things? Like a sinister streak that can make you think of things really coldly? Like a moment when you catch yourself off-guard thinking of something so mechanically it seems almost inhuman? Like you don't mean the person you display? Have you ever felt like your entire life is built around a fancy? Like an idea that might have germinated in your innocent head but never made an exit even after you were old enough to understand the impracticalities of it? Like say, wanting to fly a plane and not giving it up even after the 6/6 vision requirement is flouted? Like hoping against hope and forgetting that well, this is strictly just hope and somewhere losing the line between the hope and the reality? Like if you got any closer to that dream living in your head, you'd see the futility harboured alongside and so you turn away? Have you ever felt like what you're saying is in constant denial with the conscience that is constantly blabbering? I mean, like feeling good about the fact that it's still there and does blabber - whether you like it or not, but hating it for doing it all the same. Have you ever shut the conscience and let it scream, putting yourself to sleep? Have you ever stared at a child staring at you from across the car window knowing that the glass separates not just the eyes but the pedestals from where you see the world around you? Have you ever struggled with the idea of hunting for a 5-rupee coin in the bag, felt too lazy and let the signal turn green and almost heaved a sigh of relief? Have you felt the shadow of frustration in that little hand that hurriedly cleans the glass so that you'd feel less lazy to make the effort of pulling out that 5-rupee coin? Have you ever sensed the guilt in yourself for not telling him/her to not do it, and then not having the change to hand over to him/her, and then seeing his/her face - a picture of revolt? Have you ever driven away talking to your friend about the condition India is in, and how these people never change and how giving money only encourages them, without a backward glance? Have you ever felt like what you're going to say is not what you really really want to say, done a mental check on why you are not saying what you really should and then going on saying the thing you were anyway going to say, saving the truth for another time? Have you later thought of why you always do that, not found an answer good enough and just shirked it off your mind for it to come back again the next day and the day after that? Do you feel like the world around you is of your own making?